What I came to realized is that I need to blog about what I really feel and see if there are any other women that can relate. Right now my biggest issues are BALANCE. I started an Etsy shop late last year, with the hopes of being able to do something that I really love. I love crafting, paper and parties. I am a SAHM and that led to me to think this would be perfect and 'easy'. SO WRONG! Being a SAHM is already hard as it is, why did I ever think that just because I was home, I would have no problems doing this?!? But what am I suppose to do?? Give it up? Give up something that's all mine? I'm finding that I'm spreading myself thin all over the place.
Did I mention my son is at the peak of the "terrible two's"?? Did I also mention that I have a TEENAGER?? Ya following here?? We're talking MAJOR chaos in my life right now. Don't get me wrong, I know pretty soon my son will be in pre-school and he'll be someone elses problem. LOL :P and I'm praying that I can help my daughter through these rough years or at least that she lets me. I know "This too shall pass" but damn, can it pass a lil faster?!?!
I was moving pretty fast, business/party wise, the whole half of last year and in that time, so many things went wrong, family wise. Mainly realizing that my teenager was acting up, grades dropped and since she wasn't really saying anything to me about anything, I assumed that everything was ok. Boy was I wrong! After all the drama, in the end I knew that my attention was more focused on my business and my toddler, that my other 2 daughters were in need of my attention as well. I won't go into all the details but topics from grades, sexting, boyfriends and bullying have had to be addressed with my oldest. I am so terrified of the path my daughter is on! I'm also confused as to how all this happened in a matter of months?!? I have literally put my life down for this child, I've worked so hard to make everything right for her (so I thought), making sure she had a good relationship with her step father (my husband). Even though he's raised her since she was two and he's the only one she calls daddy, I feared there may be a day of rebellion. That day finally came.
Needless to say, it's been a HELLISH couple of months. So what do I do now? I have my business, that fulfills my passion for crafting. My toddler son, that requires all my attention. My teenage daughter that's working on giving me a heart attack. Oh and you see that?? I almost already forgot the "Jan Brady" of the bunch, my poor 8 yr old daughter. Who by the way, always makes it clear that I'm always listening to her sisters stories and NOT hers! Apparently I need to pay more attention when she tells me her stories of "She's not my friend anymore!" and "We were playing salon at school and pretended to do each others hair". AAHHHH!
Now that I've aired out my dirty laundry..... to the point: Goal for 2012 is BALANCE!
I'm not sure how yet but I know that I need to focus on the issues with my children first and work in my crafting biz somehow. I'm working on getting organized with my time, my work space, even my private space (my bedroom needs a major make-over). It's not going to be easy by any means but I am determined. The first thing..... to channel my all time favorite heroine, She-Ra! That's right, the Princess of Power. With her powers and my determination, I feel I will be victorious over this rough patch.
She's sending her powers to me already, see! ;)
Keep your head up! Being a working SAHM is hard, but can be really rewarding as well.
ReplyDeleteDon't worry amiga, all will be ok and in the end you might never find balance, sometimes all we find is acceptance. We have to accept the fact that we cannot be everything to everyone, and that is ok. Took me a couple years to realize this and yes I still do have days I struggle with it, but as long as I know I am trying my best with the 24 hours that the lord has blessed me with..that is all that matters. I accept the fact that certain things are out of my control, wether or not Julian will ever overcome his Autism is not in my hands it is in gods hands, I can't control the health of my aging parents that I adore so much, I can just make sure I show them my love each and everyday, I can't control my own feelings sometimes, so yet again I give it to God. I am an old lady compared to you, so trust me when I tell you with age comes acceptance and peace with your own decisions. Make sure you are doing what you love, be there for your husband and your children, but hold onto you and if it is in your heart (when you are ready) turn to to god. BTW love your brave post, I think alot of mamas can relate to you and that should give you comfort knowing you are not alone : )
ReplyDeleteJeanette,
ReplyDeleteFirstly, I would like to "thank you" for mustering up the courage to share such a real and heartfelt piece of your life with us all. I constantly struggle with balance myself... I work full-time, I have a toddler, a fiancé, etc. I'm trying to run my business in the late evenings and I'm exhausted. I'm sleepy right mow as I am typing this message, but I want you to know that you have friend in Florida that is praying for you and your family... Balance will be my goal this year as well and I've already been practicing it by saying "no" and making time for the loves of my life even if means I have to lose a sale in my Etsy Shop.